Nice vs. Opinionated

Back in the day, I used to be a really really nice, sweet person. If there was one word anyone had to pick to describe me, it was always nice or sweet. That was when I was a kid, up until about age 12. Then, something happened. I developed all these opinions. Sometimes I find myself saying things that astonish even me (actually, probably more me than anyone else), and I wonder, 'Where did that nice, sweet me go?' This has actually been the cause of a lot of my self-esteem issues. Not that they're major or anything. And that's part of the problem. I have this little package of problems called judgment and pride. Here's how it goes: First, you develop all these opinions, and you let them govern how you think the world should be run. Then, when someone or something comes along that doesn't conform to your opinions, your habitual opinions cause you you to pass judgment on the situation, which in effect is causing you to pass judgment, in a way, on the person in 'control' of the situation. When conversation comes up, instead of accepting how things are, you feel that you MUST verbalize your opinions and make them sound LOGICAL so that someone would be stupid not to agree with you. And no matter how normal you manage to make it sound, YOU know in your head that what you've just said is not as innocent as it sounds and that you are not a nice person. And that makes you sad. It hurts your self-esteem. But that doesn't matter. Your self-esteem is already so inflated that it could actually use quite a few more of these puncture wounds. Self-esteem=Pride, in this case.

My goal in life right now is to TRULY return to being that nice person I used to be. To stop letting my opinions govern who I am. Instead, I should strive to live by the wise words of Christ in his Sermon on the Mount. My goal is to be 'pure of heart.'